I have never really considered myself to be a “controlling” person…
Like honestly I have always associated that characteristic with someone who is emotionally or physically abusive…
But lately I have really found myself battling deep anger and frustration in circumstances where I have needed to yield to someone else’s control to avoid the unnecessary power struggle that would occur as a result of me trying to make sure things went the way that I had hoped or planned that they would…
And it’s interesting because it’s not like any of these people were aggressive in their approach… so who knows if a power struggle would have actually occured…
But what I do know is the only reason I have been frustrated in those circumstances is because I wasn’t in control…
Like nothing about the “alternative” plans were bad or harmful to me in any way shape or form…
But they weren’t MY plans… and for whatever reason that reality was enough for me to become extremely irritated…
Yet in each of those moments when I had to wrestle with giving up control… I had to ask myself if getting my way meant so much to me that I was willing to be manipulative or even act a fool to make sure things went the way that I wanted them to…
And the simple fact that I even had these internal struggles when being forced to give up control… is what alerted me to the reality that I can be a lot more controlling than I think I am…