Grief is such a wild thing… and though life must continue to move forward… it seems like the hurt grows deeper with every year that passes…
Today is the two-year anniversary of the day my uncle passed away…
And June 29th was the six-year anniversary of the day my daughters’ father was killed…
So for the past five years, my June 27th birthday has been this bittersweet day where my mind and emotions fluctuate between celebrating my life and bracing myself to be flooded with trigger-fueled emotions as I scroll through my Facebook memories, and as everyone else posts their love, pain, hurt, and memories all over social media…
I too posted a status every year for the first four June 29ths after he was killed, but as I really think about it, I’m not sure why I felt the need to publicly express how I felt about that day every year. Especially when I knew that all of the comments and texts that came as a byproduct of my post would be super overwhelming.
I mean it’s not like I was posting for anyone else to respond. Furthermore, it’s not like ninety-five percent of those people ever ask how the girls are doing.
I’m also not saying that I expect them to, but the sudden onslaught of concern, and the comments or text messages with everyone saying that they are “thinking of” or “praying” for us feels so fake to me because their dad is dead three-hundred and sixty-four other days of the year, and none of these people have been led to reach out letting me know that they are “thinking of” or “praying” for us…
This year I chose a different approach, and I didn’t make a social media post on June 29th. I also didn’t make a social media post on Father’s Day (the last day that we saw him in 2015).
Having a couple of creative platforms has caused me to be more selective about what personal feelings I share on social media because I believe my readers and podcast listeners actually want to read about or hear what I think and feel. I’m not sure that’s the case with everyone else, so it seems pointless when I can just pour everything into the platforms that appreciate my transparency.
And circling back to the onslaught of concern, comments, and text messages from everyone: I didn’t make any social media posts on Father’s Day or June 29th this year, and I didn’t hear from any of those people on either of those days…
So does that mean that the comments and text messages weren’t genuine?
Only they know the answer to that question, but as I said, I never posted for them to respond anyways. It’s just an interesting observation…