Of all the things that I can think of that I dislike doing, I am pretty sure that crying is pretty damn close to being at that top of that list if it’s not already in the number one spot…
I hate crying…
And though I am pretty sure that the average person is not a fan of crying… most of the time when I can feel that I am about to cry I stuff my emotions so that it doesn’t happen…
I mean it truly takes A LOT for me to allow myself to dive into whatever emotions are triggering this watery release… because I HATE crying…
But what I can admit… is that crying in the shower is extremely therapeutic…
I mean there is just something about facial raindrops seeping out of my tear ducts… while the water is raining down on my face or back from the showerhead… that really cleanses my heart and soul in a way that “regular crying” does not…
Recently while in the shower I allowed myself to dive into some painful emotions that I had been suppressing for a while…
It was such a wild experience because I literally had to tell myself that it was okay to feel the emotions… I had to tell myself that it was okay to be sad and upset… I also had to tell myself that it was okay to feel gratitude and cry tears of joy amidst the sadness…
I cried for a long time…
I cried hard and held my chest because the pain felt so unbearable…
I cried hard and covered my mouth when the cries would not remain silent because I wanted to make sure that my daughter did not somehow hear me…
I cried hard and covered my eyes at times because… though I was alone in the shower… I wanted to make sure no one saw how ugly everything felt in those moments…
I cried hard and when I started to suppress the pain as I normally do so that the facial raindrops would stop… I told myself not to move forward until I felt and released everything that needed to be felt and released in those moments…
I cried for a LONG time…
And when I had finally emptied myself of everything that needed to be emptied out of my heart and soul… I stopped crying and finished the rest of my shower…
I felt lighter…
I felt freer…
And I felt more joy than I have felt in a while… or if I am honest… I felt more joy than I have ever felt…
Yet despite this newfound freedom… I still hate crying…
But what I can admit… is that crying in the shower is extremely therapeutic because the combination of the facial raindrops seeping out of my tear ducts… while the water is raining down on my face or back from the showerhead… cleanses my heart and soul in a way that regular crying does not…