It’s crazy how minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and years go by…
And while each moment is happening, certain choices may seem kind of insignificant in the grand scheme of who we are and what we will become…
But then something happens that causes us to stop and reflect on the current events of our life…
And suddenly we realize that we don’t exactly recognize the person that we have become…
As I write this, the date is December 13, 2020….
I think that we can all agree that 2020 has been an unprecedented year…
Side note, I’m not joking when I say that I do not want to hear the word “unprecedented” in the year 2021. I’m also not exaggerating when I say that I could live a hundred lifetimes and would be perfectly content never hearing that word again. Nevertheless, this year has been predictably unpredictable, and I’ve reached this point where nothing really surprises me anymore and oftentimes my response is, “of course this is happening in the year 2020…”
Anywho…
I’m sure I’m not the only person who is taking time to reflect on life as 2020 slooowly but surely comes to an end. I tend to do this annually around this time of year as we seem to float from holiday to holiday and are almost forced to think about the things that we should be grateful for. This year, of course, has been quite different as I’ve spent the past 8 months working from home…
Now don’t get me wrong I am grateful that, at the beginning of the pandemic, we were assured that our employment is guaranteed. I mean even outside of quarantine, applying for jobs is my least favorite thing to do. However, most of my days are spent in my bedroom since my apartment doesn’t afford me the space to set up my office in another room. Furthermore, aside from taking my daughters to school or work, grocery shopping, or our weekly trip to the laundromat, most of my days feel lonely as I’m pretty much isolated in my bedroom.
“I’m so lo-o-o-o-o-o-onely…”
*cue more Justin Bieber lyrics <– (click if you want to hear the song Lonely)
Feeling lonely, for lack of a better word, sucks…
And I can honestly say that I have never felt more lonely than I do in this season of my life. I mean we were not created to do life alone, and I believe we all have this innate desire to feel like we are part of a community. But every form of community that I am most familiar with has been stripped away, and technology’s attempts to piece back together some sense of normalcy, has more so created a new reality that I am not sure we will escape.
Minutes and hours and days and months have gone by in this pandemic…
And as I’ve reflected on the current events of my life, I realize that I don’t exactly recognize the person that I have become…
I’m so lonely… and loneliness sucks…
But I’m starting to wonder what will happen if I just embrace the loneliness?
That sounds kind of weird, now that it’s out of my head and typed out for all the world to read…
But I’m also starting to wonder if there is a purpose for the loneliness… Like what if the loneliness is kind of like a soft and fuzzy blanket that will keep me warm on a cold winter’s night… And what if I’m supposed to allow the loneliness to shape and mold me, so that who I am to become has the space to be brought forth?
I don’t have the answer to any of those questions, nor am I really looking for anyone else to provide me with any guidance. But what I do know, is that time will tell whether or not my decision to embrace the loneliness will be one of those significant choices in the grand scheme of who I am and what I will become…